Chasing After The Wind 3:2

2

The next morning I rode the motorcycle to the local Harley Davidson dealership to get it serviced. And afterwards back at the house I did a load of laundry and relaxed in the air conditioning knowing the heat and miles that awaited me the following day. The girls went to brunch with a couple friends of Gracies after dropping me back off at her place but left me the keys to the jeep so I could go pick up Johnny at the airport when he got in later in the afternoon. Once the laundry was done I repacked my bag for the following mornings ride out. I was excited to see my pal and I hoped our ride together would be as good for the soul as my solo riding had been. As I rolled my pants and shirts and stuffed them away into the pack I couldn’t help but laugh when I counted the joints I was still carrying. There were still 13 ‘rookie cards’ sealed in plastic tubes and added to that were the 6 chocolates and a couple packs of edibles also that were stuffed away in the bottom of my pack that I had completely forgotten about and I realized I was probably a tad heavy for the scales so to speak and began to feel a bit like a novice version of a Hunter s Thompson character which amused me. After I finished packing I studied the map for a solid hour before leaving for the airport. I was searching for the fastest route to the northeast that would also get Johnny and I up off the deserts valley floor and to higher elevations as quickly as possible hoping that the temperatures wouldn’t be so oppressing. Even the morning ride to the dealership had felt laborious and the last thing I wanted was for Johnny to become discouraged with the ride on our first day together. Aside from that I felt rested and ready to ride back to the north and to find some new roads.

Finally just after 1 my phone ting’d and it was Johnny letting me know he had landed so I put the map away and went to pick him up. The air condition in the jeep didn’t work as well as the motor, apparently, so I was forced to unzip all the canvas windows in an effort to let the air flow through but it was no use. I laughed as I drove and wiped the sweat from my shorn head thinking about how this would be a great first test for Johnny. He had told me numerous times that he wasn’t worried about the heat because he was used to it living in South Florida and each time he had said it I just shook my head on the other end of the line thinking to myself how many times before I’d heard that desert heat is dry heat so its different horseshit while on my travels. 120 degrees is 120 degrees and thats what it was and it was brutal, and inescapably so, man. Once situated in the caravan of vehicles that slowly ambled through the arrival gate pickup lane I could see Johnny up ahead standing underneath a large outdoor fan that blew nearly straight down onto him. He had his hands raised up in the air like he was forming a prayer to Zephyrus to cool him. As I pulled up I gave him the once over before bursting out into laughter seeing he had taken my advice to a T about what pack to buy and what clothes to consider that would provide the most functionality for the varying terrain and elevations we were to encounter. Scanning up from the ground he had the same Harley Davidson pack as me sitting on the concrete next to his feet which themselves were adorned with his style of chuck Taylor low-cuts similar to my own. His pants were the same as mine also though he had chosen the black pair instead of the blue grey ones that I was wearing. And finally his Huk UV sun shirt that he wore a short sleeved button up Harley Davidson shirt over  top of. The only notable difference being he had his hair pulled back with a bandana to keep the sweat from his brow and I didn’t have that concern. He looked like a billboard cutout from the latest Henry Wolf travelers collection and I was laughing hysterically as I waved to him to get his attention while pulling up to the curb. His hands which had been lifted in prayer to the fan a second prior now turned to me and showed the “rock-on” hand gesture of the pinky and index finger extending on both hands. When I came to a stop he tossed his bag into the back end before he jumped into the jeep while giving me a high five handshake sort of grip as he said,

“A fucking jeep, Henry! Really? It’s the middle of the desert for fucks sake.” And I laughed again as I replied,

“I see you got the brochure I sent you.”

“Brochure? I don’t follow you. What brochure?”

“You know, the one concerning what to bring with you.” I said with continued laughter and Johnny slugged me in the arm before bursting out into his own laughter as we pulled away from the airports shaded overpass and back out into the desert sun.

“Fuuuuuck though…it’s hot, bro!” Johnny kept on.

“Yeah well until you are 8 hours into tomorrows ride in this inferno I don’t even want to hear you complain about it. It’s going to be work in the morning getting out of here.”

“Yeah Florida heat ain’t got anything on this. I legit can’t even breathe.”

“I’d like to tell you you’ll get used to it, but, man, I rode in this heat for three days straight all out and every minute was a struggle. I think I found a road that’ll get us up to a higher elevation within a couple hours though so if we’re on the road early hopefully we’ll get lucky.”

“Lets shoot to be at Eagle Riders when it opens.”

“Done deal on that, man. Give that road a look and see what you think. It’s highway 87 and will run us up to Payson and then we’re mostly due east on 60 into New Mexico from there.”

Johnny opened the map on his phone and traced the road out of town to the northeast that I’d mentioned and he said it looked as good as any other option so he was all for it.

“We said no interstates, right?” I continued.

“That’s the plan. As few as possible. I want to see the West the way you’ve been seeing it, Henry.”

“Well then I think that’s our best bet.”

“Who’s jeep is this?”

“It’s Gracies. Ally’s sister.”

“Dude, is she as hot as she sounded on the phone?” Man, I just looked over at him rolling my eyes behind my sunglasses as I chuckled.

“She’s already been forewarned about you, pal!”

“What?! Cmon man, I’m only kidding. Anyways… it's too hot.”  All I could do was laugh. What kind of logic was that if not Bravo logic I was musing to myself. And regardless, he was full of shit about that and I know he knew it. Johnny could be standing at the gates of hell and still be looking for one last romp and come by it honestly enough if the opportunity arose.

“Yeah well we’ll see about that, too.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because both Gracie and Ally are gorgeous girls, brother. And even more than that they are about as cool a girls as you’ll ever have the good fortune of meeting.”

“Not interested Henry, this trip is all about getting away from all of that. I just want to ride the roads and get some clarity on a few things myself.” He said like he actually believed it and I was grinning from the side of my mouth that he couldn’t see as I chewed on my laughter.

Johnny was already unbuttoning his short sleeve shirt and using it to towel off the sweat from his face as we drove the short distance back to Gracies. Once we got to her pad he set his pack next to mine inside and he hopped in the shower to try and cool off. While he did so I touched base with Ally to see what their plan was. She informed me they were going to do some shopping in Scottsdale’s Old Town district and asked if we wanted to meet them around 6 to get something to eat and go from there. I agreed that sounded like a good idea and once Johnny was done showering I filled him in on the plan for the night as we went over things concerning the road.

“Do you have everything for the ride out tomorrow?” I asked him.

“I ran the list you gave me, so you tell me…is there anything you added since you left?”

“Na man, just a hoodie. I’ve been able to get by so far with just the original pack mostly.”

“I’ll have to get a helmet tomorrow when we pick up your bike. I saw yours back there laying next to your bag. Do you like it?”

“Honestly man I’d never ridden with a full face helmet like that before but it’s legit. If they have one like it I would definitely recommend it.”

“Done and done. I’m stoked for this ride, bro. I’ve been counting the days since it was decided that night at the lake.”

“How’s the back? Do you think you’ll be able to log the miles?”

“Backs as good as its gonna get. My boy, Paco, who we’re meeting up with at Sturgis sent me this air-ride cushion to use also. He swears by ‘em and we know the kind of miles he puts in so hopefully it’ll help too.”

“What kind of bike did you reserve?”

“All they had were the full dressers available by the time I booked so I didn’t have much of a choice.”

“Honestly though, I think that will be ideal for you. The suspensions on these newer touring bikes are unbelievable. I’d say as long as you don’t do anything to tweak your back the miles won’t be a problem.”

“I’m hoping not. I’ve never put in more than a couple hundred miles in a day though so it’ll be a test for me.”

“Just grab a coffee at each fuel stop and stay hydrated; and you’ll be fine. That's basically what I’ve done for weeks now and I’m still feeling like I’m on the first hundred miles of the ride most of the time. It has been unbelievable so far.”

“How many miles?”

“Over 5000 since I last saw you.”

“Fuck bro, that’s insane. Will you have to double back on any of the roads during our ride?”

“I think the only one might be Beartooth as we ride into Yellowstone. I’d like to show you that road for certain. Aside from that I made sure to steer clear of the roads I had in mind for us.”

“Man I can’t wait to see Colorado on a bike.”

“Oh… I take that back we’ll likely ride Berthoud Pass together also and I took that as I headed north to Montana from Denver. Dude it’s crazy how long ago that seems for me.”

“It hasn’t even been a month.” Johnny said as he spoke from his frame of reference.

“You’ll see what I mean soon enough, brother. Time is about to get a bit tricky for you too.” I said back to him as I smirked. As mentioned, Johnny was a pilot, and as a flying man he was chief amongst those whose time versus distance gauge was skewed towards the Jetset mentality of traveling. I knew by the end of the day tomorrow that would begin to shift back for him and I only hoped he was open the process that was to take place as it did so.

“Speaking of…you think I have enough left to take a snooze? I was out later than I should have been last night with a couple guys from the wayback in Lauderdale.” He replied with a chuckle.

“Yeah man by all means. Rest up. I’ll just study the map a bit more. I’ll wake you up after I’ve showered so we can go meet the girls.”

Johnny went back to the spare room and was snoring in no time. I continued to study the roads while keeping in mind that we had made plans to meet his friend, Paco, up in Deadwood, South Dakota on or around the following Wednesday, the last day in July. I had only met Paco once before as our paths crossed in Nashville, Tennessee one morning a couple years prior. He was headed south towards Mississippi and I north towards Iowa and we’d stayed over for a night at a house Johnny and his gal, at the time, had together about 15 miles south of town. Paco was a long rider in the truest sense, and he would be winding up his Hoka-Hey run somewhere in Nebraska about the time Johnny and I made it to Colorado and then from the two varying points we would all meet up as mentioned in the Black Hills. The Hoka-Hey is a mad ride if ever there was one, it’s a cross country race where the rider cannot use GPS in any fashion and any missed turns must be retraced and corrected on the fly. No deviations from the route are allowed. On top of that each rider has to sleep outside in the conditions and the best riders amongst the entrants can ride the 10,000 miles in less than 12 days which is in and of itself almost unbelievable for me to fathom and I had been putting in 500-600mile days on the regular. Regardless I looked forward to meeting up with him again for the Sturgis Rally and riding some of the great Black Hills roads with he and Johnny. But the question for Johnny and I was how would we get there. Staying true to letting the road make most of the decisions for us I was content to leave it to that knowing only that the first day we would wind up one way or another in Albuquerque, New Mexico if all went accordingly. So while Johnny slept into the afternoon hours I simply took the time to relax further and get my energies right for the following mornings ride. Before long that meant I too was snoozing in the afternoon air conditioned lull and when Johnny finally shook me awake and I looked at my phone again in a panic it was almost seven and I had missed numerous messages from Ally and Gracie wondering where we were. As I read them and was preparing to respond the door flung open and there were the girls standing silhouetted by the porch lights.

“So much for dinner, eh boys.” Gracie said sternly and Johnny stood upright stiff as a board and with schoolboy eyes as he looked back at her like he was about to receive a scolding.

“Seriously, Henry; you had one thing to do. Just one thing. Was it too much to ask?” Ally continued on but she had a tell and I could see the slight curvature of her lips so I knew it was all just improv but Johnny didn’t so I chirped right back.

“Well, I mean to be fair I had a few things to do actually. I mean I got the motorcycle to the shop, and did some laundry, and then had to pick up Johnny from the airport,…is there something I am missing?” I asked them sarcastically.

“Henry, bro, we were supposed to meet them at 6 for dinner remember dude?” Johnny said to me before turning to the girls to offer a further explanation. “Seriously, we were going to meet y’all but then I took a nap and clearly Henry didn’t man his post. It wasn’t intentional.”

“Oh for christ’s sake, we’re only kidding. We figured it was one of two things. You boys were either in a bar somewhere or taking an afternoon siesta. To be honest both sound better than walking around in this heat like we just got done doing.” Gracie replied. “But we did see a saloon I like to go to is hosting an open mic tonight from 8-10, so maybe thats what we could do rather than a formal sit down somewhere, whatcha think?”

“Oh damn! Whew! You had me going for a second there.” Johnny began as he stood up and introduced himself to both Ally and Gracie. “I’m down with that as long as they have good food and whiskey. Just one.” he finished saying while looking at me like he was hoping to assure me of something.

“Great whiskey,.. decent food.” Gracie answered him. Ally had walked in and placed several white shopping bags on the floor and then took a seat leaned against me on the couch.

“Well that evens out as good enough to me.” Johnny replied.

“Sounds like a plan then. How about another fifteen minutes and then I’ll get up and rinse off quick and we can head out.” I said.

“That’s a deal. It’ll give us a few minutes to get ready also.” Ally said as she leaned back off of me and stood up to take the shopping bags back to her bedroom. Gracie followed after her and when they were gone I looked over towards Johnny and there he stood with that look in his eye that I knew so well.

“Told ya, bro.” I said to him.

“Dad Gum, Henry, you weren’t lying. I think I’m smitten.”

“Yeah with with who?”

“Can’t decide. Those are the kind of girls you hope to marry one day.”

“Can’t decide is about right. And that’s the problem, Bravo. Can’t fall in love with sisters.” I said as I snickered.

“Might be too late.” Johnny quipped back amidst his own low laugh. “So Ally is your friend from Austin?”

“She is.”

“And Gracie you just met yesterday?”

“Correct.”

“Okay so of the two Gracie is the only logical one of the girls thats not off limits then.” He said as he continued to laugh while sitting back down on the couch. It was base level Bravo and I was grinning, man.  About that time Gracie walked into the room wearing only a towel and asked if she could rinse off first and she had an equally sly look in her eye. She bat her lashes at Johnny first who sat there hunched over his knees now drooling, and then over to me as she winked and I sat back and laughed because I knew she was putting him on and he was hook, line, and sinker smitten too. Then she slowly turned from us and strutted back down the hallway to the bathroom whistling sweetly over the air conditions hum.

“Henry! Fuck dude, seriously.” Johnny said to me as he looked over at me with the same school boy eyes that had in an instant shifted from those of one type of trouble to those of another type of trouble. And I burst his bubble,

“Relax, brother. She’s just having her fun with you.”

Half hour later the girls came back into the living room ready to go out. And now Johnny and I both were wide eyed and looking at each other from the corners of our eyes between stolen glances at the two lovelies. I excused myself to run hop in the shower quick. Johnny, Ally, and Gracie all popped the tops on a few bottles of beer as they started to chat and become acquainted. By the time I re-emerged there was a six pack dusted off and they had started working on the next one. And Ryan Bingham’s Mescalito album was playing on the stereo too which is never a bad thing.  I had decided while cleaning up not to drink at all that night as I wanted to be ready and waiting when the dealership opened in the morning so I could get my bike in the hopes we could be on the road as early as possible. But sitting down at the table I noticed Johnny had a rocks glass in front of him already that had a few fingers of whiskey cracking the ice in it so I grabbed a bottle of beer and popped the top.

“Henry! Dude Gracie poured me this…” he said pointing to his glass, “its the only one I’m having.”

“That’s what he thinks!” Gracie clamored over the stereo. “I’m gonna get him plum drunk. You watch.”

I just glared over to her as she winked back at me again.

“Ally was telling me about that Turnpike show y’all saw down at …. What’s the name of the place again?…” Johnny asked.

“Gruene Hall.” Ally and I replied simultaneously.

“..Dude yes! That sounded awesome! I wonder if we’ll get lucky with any good bands like that on our ride?”

“Man I hope so, but, aside from Sturgis, we’ll be romping them country roads and towns.”

“What about that dude you saw play up in Wyoming you were telling me about? Maybe he’s playing somewhere near to where we will be.”

“Oh damn dude …good call, Bo fucking DePena. That dude was cool, man.” And then I remembered how Bo had mentioned when I was talking with him back up in Laramie about a few gigs he had in Colorado at the end of the month somewhere so I opened up my phone to see what his touring schedule looked like. “Synchronicities, man!” I began as I smirked at Ally.  “He’s actually playing in Estes Park, Colorado on Tuesday night and then he’ll be down around Denver through the first of the month.”

“Will we be anywhere near him?”

“We definitely could be.”

“Bro we gotta make it happen then.”

“I’m down, man. If the road lines up.  You’ll love the dude. He can play a bit of everything and has some good originals too.”

“Bo DePena!” Gracie squealed as she fanned herself imitating a southern belle once again.

“Oh Lord!” I said and Ally and I laughed.

“What’s so funny?” Johnny asked as he took a slug of whiskey.

“Gracie here has a thing for country boys. But to her chagrin this one won’t suffice for he is clean shaven and she likes that scruffy type.” I answered him and began to laugh while noticing Johnny running his hand over his smooth face.

“I think I’m gonna grow the beard out these next two weeks for sure.” He said. “I have to be clean shaven for work otherwise I’d always have a beard. Henry, how long you been growin’ yours out?”

“Couple three weeks probably. I keep it trimmed about this length now. Any longer and the strap on my helmet tugs at it and annoys the piss out of me while I ride.”

“Well it’s a good length for a beard anyways, Henry.” Gracie assured me.

“Yeah we wouldn’t want you hiding that pretty face of yours now would we.” Ally added as a jibe.

“ Henry’s all face! I’ve got a list of girls back home in Florida that want to meet him but he’s too shy or otherwise uninterested to come down and see for himself.” Johnny said. And he and I laughed because Johnny was over the target. I was too shy… and usually uninterested also.  Most of the time I tried to act like I was simply playing it cool but the truth of the matter was since I had stopped my heavy drinking the social cover I once hid in was lifted and behind the veil was a man who felt very out of place in most social settings. I had realized long ago it was why I liked to travel alone, and especially so in the solitude and grandeur of the American West as I do. On the road I can be by my lonesome self and not be bothered nor asked why I was that way. I didn’t know why. I just was. And it was a struggle for me to pretend otherwise.

“Yeah but don’t let Johnny fool you. The girls he suggests prefer a different type of lifestyle than the simple one I lead.” I said trying to pivot the spotlight away from me.

“Wait now I gotta know more!” Gracie clamored.

“Well let’s just say there’s a burgeoning cottage industry down in South Florida that I don’t have the pockets for.” I answered her in jest.

“Oh… I gotcha. I’m fairly certain we have the very same industry here in Scottsdale.” Gracie said as she burst out into laughter.

“Oh cmon Henry, the women I tried setting you up with were all just looking for a good man…”

“Buddy, all I’m saying is there are differing opinions on what that means.  You know I’m just giving you a hard time about it.” I said as I laughed.

“So these girls are…what?  Like gold diggers?… or I guess I don’t quite follow y’all.” Ally interjected.

“Whether they are or not I couldn’t say for certain. But they do all seem to be covered in a lot of sugar.” I replied with a bit of laughter. “Reminds me, in a way, of this girl I met in Santa Barbara. She had it all figured out. I thought she was kinda interesting, honestly.”

“Oh Jesus, so now there is a girl in California too?” Ally snapped back at me and I looked at her hoping to assure her that it wasn’t like that. But I could see how muddied the waters were becoming, and I was kicking myself beneath the table for having even brought it up.

“No there isn’t a girl in California too, I was simply trying to relay a story about this girl that I met at my pal Lucky’s girlfriends house. She rented a room in the basement across from where I stayed for a night. Nothing happened and it was all innocent enough I promise. I was just crudely referring to the eventual revelation that she too had benefactors shall we say. And that's all. It was all above board so to speak. So can we drop it?”

“No. I think I want to completely understand the situation.” Ally exclaimed. And she had a cold look in her eyes now, and I was rather embarrassed that the misunderstanding had seemingly caused Ally to question me so I tried to set the table straight.

“Okay… fine. Val, who I mentioned earlier in regards to the mushrooms had a roommate; and her name was Pamella, and Pamella made money by inviting wealthy men over to the house where she would then lay in bed wearing lingerie while these men would rub her feet and get bossed around a bit. She said she was fulfilling a repressed desire of theirs concerning the centerfolds from their adolescence. And that’s it. Now can we drop it, please? I was just trying for a laugh. Nothing scandalous about it.”

Though after I stopped talking the room remained quiet.  The tension lingered for what seemed like a few more painful minutes. I didn’t even know why…  but I felt ashamed for some reason, and maybe I owed that to the belief I formed in the brief silence that I had let Ally down, somehow. I tried to get her to make eye contact with me but she wouldn’t look up from the table. She just stared distantly into the empty bottle of beer that she rolled in her hands. And it made me feel horrible. Johnny sensed something was up also so he excused himself to go freshen up. Gracie too felt the shift in Ally’s demeanor and got up as she looked at me with her eyes big and wide as if trying to insinuate that she felt sorry for whatever part she had played in the whole scenario unfolding before she too walked out of the kitchen and down the hall. When they had both gone I tried to slide my hand across the table to touch Ally’s but she pulled her hand away immediately.

“Ally I could understand you being mad if there was actually anything to it. But there isn’t.  I wasn’t interested in her in that way. No more than I was interested in any of the girls Johnny had tried to set me up with either. I don’t really understand what I did to upset you.”

“It’s not about them, Henry.  Or maybe it is. But not really.”

“Well what is it then?”

“Henry I was falling for you in Austin. And I tried to hold that back with everything I had right until I couldn’t any longer; and I did so because I thought it would have been selfish of me to ask you to want to be with me in the condition you were in at the time. And when you left I missed you so much. So just tell me you didn’t make a fool out of me. Just tell me something so I won’t resent you right now. Or was your plan just to leave tomorrow and have everything left unsaid between us?”

“I didn’t think any of that stuff would matter between us. I was just trying to give Johnny some hell and give y’all a good laugh.”

“It matters, Henry. Even if it’s not supposed to it does, and I can’t just pretend otherwise. The heart can’t help itself. Gracie told me why you left Austin and something about hearing it from her hurt me to know. And I’m processing it still. And I know thats not entirely fair to you. But here we are.”

“Ally I promise you I thought I was doing the right thing. Not just for myself but for you too. I would never try and make a fool out of you. I just knew I wasn’t there. And I made the decision to leave because seeing the way you looked at me that night at Gruene Hall made me realize I was going to hurt you if I stayed. I was trying to be a good man, Ally. Maybe it was selfish. Either way, it feels now like I failed you.”

“You didn’t fail me, Henry. You made me believe in love again. I was broken too. I just had more time to learn how to hide it than you. But you helped me heal. Even if it opened up some old wounds in the process. Just promise me you won’t ever play games with another’s heart, Henry. Even if someone has done so with yours.  I’m not saying that you did with mine. I’m just saying the world is cruel to people whose hearts beat like ours do. So we have to look out for one another.”

“I promise. I didn’t realize, Ally. I tried so hard not to hurt you. I was mindful of maintaining that unspoken boundary until it was clear neither of us could any longer. I just wasn’t ready. All I had was shame at the time and I carried that shame with me to your home in Austin. And you took me in despite seeing it. And you showed me something that no one else was ever capable of during those hard months when I fell to pieces. I received plenty of empathy from others. I leaned on so many. But you showed me understanding. And it was your understanding that helped me realize I needed to heal also. I do have love for you, Ally.”

“I know you do, Henry.”

“Good.”

“Do you remember the ride home from Gruene Hall on your motorcycle?”

“Of course.”

“Remember how you slowed down when we rode into the outskirts of Austin and clasped my hands in your hand?”

“Yes,…but…”

“I felt your sigh, Henry. I hadn’t fallen asleep. I only told you that I had. But I was leaned in against your back and looking up at the moon. And for the first time in a long time I hoped I had found someone I could love back.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because I saw the look on your face a few minutes later when you walked into my house after receiving that text from Sara. And I knew it wouldn’t have mattered then even if I had wanted to. You needed to let go too, Henry.”

“You know that is why I had to go to the cabin, right?”

“Yes. And I also know that is why you had to come to Austin to begin with. God works in mysterious ways. Don’t we know it. A few weeks after you left I was driving up South Congress and a song by Ani Difranco came on the radio and I pulled over and I cried as I listened to it. I know how much you like her music. I had never heard that song before but it felt like it told our story. The way it might have been, if only, and just the same. And I let you go, Henry. Right then and there. With the Continental Club’s marquee in my rear view mirror. It was perfect. What we had was perfect. I wouldn’t change a thing.” She said to me. I simply gazed at her for a few moments in awe. And she back at me.

“What song was it?” I asked her after. Though I believed I already knew. It was the only response I could muster however.

“Both Hands.” She replied. And I did know. I had been listening to that song for 20 years. And she was right. It was perfect.

Man, it’s gospel true that some moments come and afterwards you are never the same again. They don’t mean forever. They don’t have to. But they do mean everything. That was a moment in my life where many others converged. At some time long before I had even met Sara, or had gone mad falling apart and hit the road for Austin, or been cared for by Ally, or had left for the cabin in the woods, and then headed West; there was a moment where I no longer believed I needed to learn anything more and that no one could teach me anything new. And the remembrance of that moment returned to me and in an instant I saw how foolish I was to ever have believed that was true. Ally was my dearest. I don’t know what else to say after that, honestly. Other than that she was my hero too, really. And I adored her. And that would endure. Long after the rest of it to come. Long after the road ran out and the world itself went mad. Long after….

And so the night went on. Johnny and Gracie became wrapped up in the Old Town scene and got properly drunk and had a great time out. I know this because Gracie told me about it the following morning after I tried to wake Johnny for better than an hour so we could go get the motorcycles and would be rebuffed by his hungover groans for mercy. But Ally and I stayed in that night. We were happy to see them go without us. Once they left Ally opened a bottle of wine and we sat together on the patio and enjoyed each others company. Just like we had done our last night together in Austin. And there was no tension between us. She had the courage to force the moment to its crisis and we confronted the things that would otherwise have been left unsaid had she not…that we loved each other and that that was enough. Because it was that love which helped us both heal. And we both understood then as we shared our hopes for the journeys we each had before us and stories from the road behind us that letting go was the only way. And I was surrendered to it absolutely. And I could see a deep, peaceful countenance upon her face and I knew she was also.

“You know that after tonight we will not see each other again for a long time.” I finally said and she nodded though all I saw were her eyes.

“I’m glad we stayed in.”

“I am too.” I said as I smiled at her.

“I am going to miss that smile, Henry Wolf.”

“I’m going to miss you, Ally Ross.” And the way she smiled then at me burned, man. And it was so beautiful.

“Do you think Johnny will be up for the ride ahead?” She asked with a smirk as she pivoted perfectly.

“I hope so.”

“I think he will be. I think this ride will be good for the both of you.”

“I believe you. I know he’s had a hard road of late also.”

“Foolish heart?”

“Foolish something.” I said as I snickered.

“You boys.”

“We know.”

“I’ve never understood how you can call yourselves men when most of you can’t even tell a woman the truth while looking her in the eye.”

“Ouch.”  I began as she and I shared a laugh “I earned that one. Guess I’ll be working on that too.”

“It’s not difficult. Just say what you mean, and do what you say. The hard part is being honest even if it means risking something.”

“Preach it, sister.” I said grinning.

“Henry?”

“yes?”

“Would you count me among your lovers?” She asked. And now I was shaking my head as I smiled deeply.

“I would.” I replied while looking her squarely in the eyes.

“You are among mine.”

“I felt it, Ally. Truly.”

“I believe you.”

“I hope so.”

“Can I ask you another question, Henry?”

“Certainly.”

“I like the way you talk about the road. But what does the road mean to you? I always get the sense that it’s spelled with a capital R when you talk about it.”

“It’s folk spiritual to me. While on the road I feel I am seeking God and surrendering myself. On it is the Americana. I’m out here searching for the Americana too.”

“The Americana in what way?”

“In the narrative way. Of the land, the people, the food, the music, the energy. It all booms in my mind and I can’t get enough of it. I experience it in my soul. I’d pass through within it forever if I could just taking notes and observing life.”

“Like a nomad?”

“Sort of maybe. Or like a recording angel, sans terre. Just going and never slowing down but to see it more clearly and then at the end of the road, finally and forever, windblown and weary, wherever that may be I will sit down and start to write. Because I remember it all. All of that love. Just like you say.”

Ally giggled as she took a sip from the wine bottle. We never even bothered with glasses just traded perfidious gulps and wiped our lips before speaking our thoughts further.

“I love it when you get going, Henry. It’s all happening in your mind. You really believe it is all possible.”

“Because it is possible. I swear I’ve seen it. Well not the end of the road but the rest of it anyways. And I’m seeing it now, too. And it burns inside of me.”

“Like icarus, or is it prometheus, or…Oh my I hadn’t even thought of it! The poetic irony!… the Phoenix?”

“No no I’ve burned those wings already. The last feathers singed as I rode south out of Flagstaff. Now it is the burning within. It’s something else. I’m not sure how to describe it yet, but to say it’s coming for us all. One and the same, it’s coming. There is no denying that for me. I can see it. I can feel it.”

Ally was grinning at me too now. Mirroring the expression I had just moments prior offered to her upon my own face. She did understand me. But more so than that even she understood what it was that I was chasing after. She too had heard it in the wind. And I knew it spoke to her also. It made me think once again about the Hemingway quote that I whispered aloud while at the lake concerning Ben, and Cole, and PJ, and Johnny too after the night of the scuffle at the marina. I believe in my friends. I believe in our story. In the end thats all I’m trying my best to tell you all. That and the secret in my beating heart.

Returned to my mind in the moment I peered over to her with softened eyes and in my thump thump heart a loud thundering that reverberated within absolutely;… and she held her gaze, and within it was the highest appellation of beauty, and it was like lightning. and it was perfect. Ssshhhrrrcccrrrssshhh….